Caught in the Headlights

     My name is Rex Rheinhart.  I have no memory of my childhood other than what Art Garroway has told me. To be honest with you, I think Art might just have made me up. I know what it is to lose one's memory, I do it all the time.  I'll be talking with someone and I start to say something about my past and then I think I freeze like a deer caught in the headlights because I don't remember anything about what happened ten years ago.
     Around ten years ago Art told me that he and his wife were having a discussion about a book she had read.  And she said something about the book and Art said  I can write better than that.  So Art began to write and suddenly I appeared.  Art told me that his dog said it was okay to use his name on a human character so that's what Art did.  I don't think Art even knows where my last name came from.  But suddenly I was alive. I'm alive!
     You know I must sound pretty nuts, talking to you like I am real but I am.  Art thought of me and here I am in the flesh.  Well not exactly in the flesh because we have to keep the censors from axing me.  I'm only in the flesh when I take a shower, see the doctor for my yearly checkup or sleep in the nude.  Yes, I sleep in the nude in the summer.
      Right about now, Art's wife will be denying that Art sleeps in the nude.  She will say that what goes on in Art's head is his own making and nothing that he writes is real in real life.  She has made that clear and I even had to sign a statement not to make anything up about Art.  She said something about "He who maketh can taketh away just as easily." I might look dumb but I do understand what she says.
     Now that you understand who I am, I want to ask for your help.  No, this is not a commercial  but a request for a friend.  Art needs your help in getting published again.  He is one of a kind author and personally I think he is pretty good.  I mean, he made me into the character I am.
     I am asking for help for him because he needs it. He wants to share with the world his humor if you can call it that. I only laugh because I have to.  No, not really.   Just kidding, Art.
    Art has so many stories floating around in his head, that sometimes I feel claustrophobic. I have asked him to try to focus on one story at a time  but does he listen? He says he has this need to write and gets pleasure out of writing. I'm glad he gets some pleasure from life.  Life can be such a pain. I get pleasure out of teaching aerobics to some of the finest looking women in the world. I'll tell you about those classes another time.
     All I'm asking is that if you like what I am about to tell you, then tell your friends. And maybe one of those friends is a literary agent who wants to introduce Art Garroway to the literary world. I know it would make Art very happy if he got on the New York Best Sellers list. I would be happy as well because Art would keep my character  alive.
     By the way, if you don't like what you read then keep it to yourself. If I find out that you have said anything to upset Art, I will personally delete you from the Rex Rheinhart Christmas card list. Then I will hunt you down.  I have friends in lots of places and they owe me big.  You know those parking tickets you have been trying to keep hidden from your boss, I know where they are  and I know who your boss is.